Since I started this “rehab” journey, I’ve been operating from the idea of practicing until I think I’m ready to stand up and perform. Quite honestly, it isn’t working. Even just looking back over my posts here, come on, there’s a post about rethinking priorities, a couple about setting goals. Those are reflections of the simple fact that I’ve been having a great deal of difficulty making the time to practice the way I need to on a regular basis. There have been a few periods when I’ve done a great job …  the couple of weeks before I had committed to performing the Bozza Improvisation et Caprice, the week prior to having committed to playing an unaccompanied Bach flute sonata, several weeks when I was expecting to perform the Morosco Blue Caprice along with some other miscellaneous pieces, but all in all, it is just too easy to let things like the kids, work, the house, or that evil barn push my practice time aside when I know I don’t have anything major coming up. That got me to thinking… every time in my life that I have really focused on practice, it’s been because I knew I had a performance scheduled. I NEVER learned a degree recital program and THEN scheduled the recital. I scheduled the recital, chose literature based on the time available, and then practiced my tail off. Competition dates were set for me, wedding dates are set for me. Even major church performances (Easter, Christmas, installation of our new rector) … all dates are set for me and the program develops based on the time available. When I was a band director, the school calendar and the performance dates were set before I’d even seen the kids!

Maybe it’s just me. I certainly know myself well enough to know that I am goal and deadline oriented. That deadline is everything in terms of motivating my preparation. Yes, there is also my desire to play well and to give a great performance, but it’s ultimately the deadline. Without question, having the luxury of practicing until I’m comfortable and then scheduling the performance induces a lot less fear, but not only is it not working for me to do this, but it isn’t realistic.  Anyone out there ever gotten a call saying “Hey, we’d love to have you come play. Take some time to practice and let us know when you’re ready.”? Not me! I usually feel lucky if I get a couple of weeks notice!

With that said, to heck with the practice … I’m going out and finding performance opportunities! July 20th will be the first … a mini-recital in conjunction with my son’s baptism. Once the performances are scheduled, I have no doubt the practice will come.